Feel...I wanna feel!

Parenthood...a tv show on nbc. I love watching it! Why? It makes me feel. And I mean REALLY feel. I heard on the radio the other day some guy talking about why people watch movies and tv. It's because we want to feel! We need to need to feel! All the emotions, down-trodden, sad. angry, insecure, regretful, confused, etc help us to really enjoy life when we are happy, joyful, confident, proactive. I noticed while watching this show that I don't let myself really feel very often. So that is going to be one of me resolutions for this year. To express my emotions and not hold anything inside. I never let myself feel angry, etc. and therefore since I hold it inside I am not letting myself feel happy! Not anymore! I know it's going to take work, learning and it's going to be a process, but I'm willing to do what it takes!

And while were on the subject of resolutions, I really want this year to be the year I begin to discover me. The REAL me, not just the person who has dreams, ideas or thoughts and just pushes them aside because I'm scared I'll fail. I want to fail! Because then my successes will be so much sweeter. I envy people who can just be themselves at all times. I don't feel like I can do that because I am too busy worrying about what people will think of me. I am not living to my full potential because I WORRY. And guess what? I know that it's going to take trial and error and I'll probably look like a fool at times, but I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! And it might seem like I'm angry writing this post but I'm not, I feel...relieved, alleviated, elevated, awakened and I feel my life is really moving in a direction that is going to make me grow. It feels good to dig deep down in my soul. This is the first time in my life that I am really letting go. I have thought about it many times, but never had this much determination and I am not going to quit. I get so caught up in which direction my life I'm "supposed" to take and which talents I'm "supposed" to pursue. And sometimes I get stuck thinking that I am too old to try new things...which is really sad. I mean really, I'm 22 years old...no I'm 22 years young! I can do anything I want! And guess what I want to do:

• Run a marathon
• Be a good mom
• Start my own business
• Travel to new places
• Discover how cool my town is
• Take more pictures
• Make more memories
• Goof around with my hubby and baby
• Learn how to play the guitar
• Sing in front of a crowd
• Paint
• Draw
• Take culinary classes
• Organize my life and possessions
• Lose 40 lbs by 8/11/12
• Be happy about where I am
• Love myself so I can love others more
• Eat better
• Exercise more
• Read more

That's just the beginning!

Now I know this all started because of some tv show, but I believe that God is giving me a wake up call. And since I have been spending so much time watching tv, he decided that would be the way he could get through to me. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you, for knowing me, loving me, and helping me with my seemingly tiny problems compared to the problems of others. But I know he cares about me, about what I care about BECAUSE he loves me. And YOU!